


Cry of the Wolf

by IneffableToreshi



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Gay Remus Lupin, Hurt Remus Lupin, M/M, Minor Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, Remus Lupin Needs a Hug, Teen Angst, Werewolf Remus Lupin, Young Remus Lupin, Young Sirius Black, i love these two, they're so dumb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-28
Updated: 2019-09-01
Packaged: 2020-09-28 12:35:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 18,810
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20426069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IneffableToreshi/pseuds/IneffableToreshi
Summary: Remus Lupin has a lot going on in his life. He's a werewolf, which is no enjoyable issue, but on top of that he's also gay and in love with one of his best friends, who is none-the-wiser.When his other friends try to help him, misunderstandings and angsty teenagers abound.





	1. Not Your Average Student

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so fair warning: I wrote this AGES ago, and it might not be totally up-to-snuff as far as quality writing goes. I just thought I'd share it over here because I figure some people on AO3 would appreciate it. I wrote it in the early 2000's, and have had it on FanFiction.net since 2008. It still, occasionally to this day, earns me a random comment from a user who stumbled across it and loved it, so I suppose it must have at least a bit of appeal! 
> 
> If you enjoy my writing, please check out my other stuff by browsing my blog over at http://traceytobin.wordpress.com!

The train began to pull away from the station. Remus Lupin stood at the window of the compartment he'd claimed as the Hogwarts Express bore him on the slow trip back to school for another year. Crowds of families stood waving at their children from the platform, but no one waved to Remus. He had no family - to his own knowledge anyway. Circumstances had stolen them away from him when he was very young. As the platform began to disappear from sight, the sandy-haired boy took a seat and sighed contentedly. It was nice to be going back to school where he felt like he belonged; where he had friends.

A loud banging din erupted from further up the train, followed instantly by an ear-splitting shriek and the clatter of running feet. Remus rolled his eyes but couldn't help letting a little smile creep out as well; he raised his hand to his face to mask it. Mere moments later, three more boys came bursting into the compartment, winded from the sprint and roaring with laughter.

The first was James Potter, a bespectacled boy with deep hazel eyes and a mop of shaggy black hair that refused to stay in point all in one direction. Next came Peter Pettigrew, a short, pudgy boy with blond hair and blue eyes, whose sole purpose in life seemed to be to idolize James and make him look even better by comparison. The last to rush through the door was Sirius Black.

Remus' breath caught in this throat.

If it was at all possible, Sirius seemed to have become even more handsome over the few summer months. His raven-black hair fell perfectly straight, hanging just below his earlobes with an elegance that James could never have dreamed of accomplishing. He'd grown a little over the summer, making him officially the tallest of the four friends, and the most muscular – although he was still rather lean. The most striking features, however, were his smoky, silvery-grey eyes, which were the object of many girls' affections…and at least one boy's.

The three troublemaking boys were laughing breathlessly as they took their seats and slammed the compartment door closed.

"God Remus!" Sirius was almost choking on his own laughter as he plunked himself down next to Remus, "You should have seen the looks on their faces!"

"Especially Snivellus," added James, snorting, "When his robes went fuchsia I thought his head was going to explode!"

Peter added nothing, but nodded enthusiastically, gasping and swiping at tears of mirth as they sprung countless to his eyes.

"I take it you haven't developed any sense of maturity over the summer then?" Remus' tone was one of gentle teasing; if his friends ever really _did_ decide to grow up, life would become incredibly boring for him.

Sirius, regardless, looked positively mortified. "M-_maturity_?!" he barked the word and grasped a hand to his chest as though it had been a dagger through his heart. "Oh! My lord! I think I'm dying!" The next moment he gasped and threw himself unceremoniously onto Remus' lap, playing dead.

About a pint of blood rushed immediately to Remus' face. "Sirius, get _off_!" he stammered, shoving at Sirius, who hit the floor with a painful thud.

"Ow!" the raven-haired boy exclaimed, "Remus, what the hell?!"

Remus had to struggle desperately to slow his hammering heart and faked a pained expression, "Really bad bruises on my legs," he lied, "From last full moon."

Sirius' face dropped instantly and for a moment Remus felt a pang of guilt. "Rem, I'm sorry, I didn't think -"

"It's okay," Remus assured his best friend quickly, offering a hand to help him back up, "Just gave me a bit of a start is all."

Sirius nodded and accepted the hand, sitting himself back down with a wince, and turned to talk to James.

Remus sighed inwardly. It hadn't been a complete lie. He had suffered two rather horrible transformations over the summer months. Remus Lupin had been a werewolf since he was bitten by one at a very young age. During his first ever transformation, the young wolf had stolen away into the night, taking himself miles away from his home. He'd searched many times after for his family, but never found his home again. No one seemed to be looking for him either, and indeed he'd been so young that he couldn't even remember who it was he was missing. Had he even had a home or a family before the bite? He honestly couldn't remember. At the age of eleven, however, he'd been taken away from the orphanage he'd been living in and admitted to attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry by a most kindly headmaster, Albus Dumbledore. The headmaster had set up certain precautions so that the boy could learn magic alongside his peers, and very few beyond the school's staff were ever given the knowledge of Remus' condition. His friends had learned in their fourth year when Sirius had suddenly figured it all out. Remus recalled how terrified he'd been that his friends would leave him, hate him, and persecute him as others had done in the past. But Sirius and the others had accepted him where few others ever had, and he'd felt twice as close to them ever since. They had even challenged wizard law and possible expulsion from school by becoming animagi to be with him during his transformations and protect him from hurting himself while he was in wolf form. They couldn't be with him during the summer, however, so it was normal for Remus' body to be riddled with cuts and bruises during those times.

"I'm telling ya, mate, you're grasping at straws," Sirius was saying when Remus came back into the conversation, "She just _doesn't like you_."

Remus stifled a silly grin. Obviously the conversation had made its way to Lily Evans, James' "true love".

"She's just playing hard to get," James insisted with a pout.

"For six years?" pointed out an incredulous Peter, causing Sirius and Remus to snicker.

"I'm telling you guys," James argued, running a hand through his already-messy hair, "This year I'll have her!"

"You said that last year, mate," snickered Sirius.

"And the year before that," Peter added.

"And if my memory serves me correctly, the year before that as well," Remus continued with a grin.

"And -"

"Alright, alright, I get it!" shouted James, throwing his arms in the air in defeat, "I'm a gigantic, pathetic failure! Are you all happy now?!"

The boys burst into laughter, and after only a few moments of pouting, James joined them. Remus gazed fondly around the compartment at his close friends, his eyes lingering a little longer on Sirius. Yes…it was rather nice to be heading back to school.

* * *

"Seventh year at last!" cried Sirius at the end of Professor Dumbledore's start-of-term speech.

"Food!" added Pete as the house tables of the Great Hall magically filled for the feast.

"I've got to admit, I'm nothing short of amazed that you four managed to make it to seventh year," Lily Evans called from a few seats down.

"Now, now, now, my dear Ms Evans," James replied, grinning as handsomely as he could manage, "You know how terribly you'd miss me if I were to leave early."

Lily stuck her tongue out and turned immediately back to her friends, but she was smiling, bright green eyes flashing flirtatiously, a mane of silky red hair falling around her shoulders. Remus grinned into his fork from his spot across from James. Of the four friends who called themselves the Marauders, Remus was definitely the only one with a decent set of observational skills. He could easily see that Lily liked James just as much as he liked her, even if neither of them realized it themselves. He suspected that Lily turned down James repeatedly because he'd been such an annoying twerp when they'd first met and she now found it difficult to admit that her feelings about him had changed.

"What're you grinning about, Moony?" asked James, noting his friend's smirk.

"Oh, nothing," Remus claimed, but he couldn't get the grin off his face, "Nothing at all."

"Liar," Sirius said, and winked at Remus from his seat next to James.

Remus spent the rest of the meal struggling to control the shade of his face.

Once the feast had ended and the students in the hall were beginning to disperse, Remus and James (who were prefect and Head Boy of Gryffindor, respectively) were obliged to help the newest Gryffindor first-years back to the Gryffindor common room.

"See you back at the dorm them!" Sirius jogged off merrily, school robes billowing behind him, followed closely by a quickly waddling Peter.

Remus watched Sirius' departure for a few seconds before turning his attention to the task at hand. He always was the responsible one, after all. "First years!" he called down the table, "First years follow us please!"

"Come on, I'm tired!" James whined loudly, "Oy! Hurry up you bloody little -" Lily walked by. "-darlings! Come on now, follow us!"

Remus snickered and James stuck out his tongue. A group of pint-sized, nervous-looking students gathered around the two lanky seventh-years and together they started off through the school. The first-years, in particular those of muggle origin, oohed and ahhed at the many moving, waving portraits and the tower of moving staircases; things that the older boys now took for granted as ordinary.

"So," James spoke quietly in Remus' ear as they walked, "You gonna tell me who she is this year?"

Remus sighed and rolled his eyes. "Prongs, you've been asking me for three years who the girl is, and for three years I've been telling you that _there is no girl_!"

It wasn't a lie.

"You're a horrible liar, Moony," smirked James, "It's not like it's hard to tell when someone is in love, you know. The blushing _alone_…"

Remus flushed, partially in anger.

"Ha! See?" James grinned and pointed in triumph, "Just thinking about her is making you blush! Listen Remus, I know there's someone. You know there's someone. There's been someone for at least three years now, and it's really starting to drive me nuts that you won't trust me with a name. If you tell me, I'll help you get her!"

Remus snorted, a little more rudely than he'd meant to. "Yes, we've all seen how good you are with the ladies."

"Hey, hey, that's below the belt."

Remus grinned and, choosing the end the conversation there, turned to the portrait of the Fat Lady. "Chinese Fireball," he gave the password and she swung forward, allowing them passage to the Gryffindor common room. It was a large, majestic room whose elegance was lost on the two elder boys, who'd been looking at it for six years already. A lovely fireplace burned against one wall, surrounded by many cushy red and gold armchairs and couches, and the walls of the room were decorated with the red and gold banners of Gryffindor.

"Girls' dormitories are up those stairs," Remus explained, pointing, to the first-years, "Boys' there. Your things will have already been brought up to your rooms."

James yawned so wide that tears sprung to his eyes and for a moment it appeared as though his head may disappear. "Come on Moony," he insisted, "They'll figure out the rest on their own. Time for bed."

The first-years didn't seem to be paying attention anymore anyway, so Remus conceded and followed his messy-haired friend upstairs to their shared dorm room. Sirius and Peter were already there, rummaging through their things and getting ready for bed.

"No luck yet this year, Padfoot," James sighed to Sirius. Remus rolled his eyes again in annoyance.

"Oh come on, Moony," Sirius begged, taking up where James had left off moments earlier, "We're desperate to know! We _need_ to know! We'll _die_ if we don't know."

"No you won't," Remus grumbled, digging absently through his trunk.

"Aha!" Sirius accused, "So you do admit that there _is_ a girl then?"

"No there i-" Remus stopped and flushed scarlet. He'd looked up from his trunk to find that Sirius had being to disrobe for bed and was standing mere feet away in nothing but his silky black boxer shorts as he untangled his shirt from his arms. If the raven-haired boy hadn't been working out over the summer, then he must have developed an extremely powerful metabolism. He had perfect abs, skinny yet muscular arms, and broad, handsome shoulders. His legs were long and powerful-looking, and the waist of his boxers was drooping dangerously low, revealing just a hint of pelvic bone. _Who the hell wears silk boxers?!_ Remus thought in a panic as his heart skipped a beat and a breath caught in his throat..

"See?!" exclaimed James, and Remus quickly averted his hungry eyes, "You're blushing again!"

"Whatever James," Remus replied moodily, watching Sirius out of the corner of his eye. The other boy was crawling into bed without putting anything else on, which if possible, made Remus flush further. He couldn't help but think about all that soft, bare skin being gently stroked and caressed by the bed sheets… "I'm tired!" the werewolf's voice squeaked and he coughed to lower it, "Think you can leave me be for _one_ night?"

James crossed his eyes and made a highly immature face before leaping into bed himself.

"They'll get it out of you eventually, somehow," Peter smirked over at the flushing boy, "They aren't just going to leave you alone about it. You know how they are."

"They've been tormenting me about it for three years, Pete," Remus sighed, "I wasn't expecting them to just give it up now." He watched Peter climb into bed, and when he was sure none of the boys were looking at him anymore, he quickly whipped off his robes and leapt into his own four-poster. "Good night guys."

"Night."

"G'night."

"Don't let the bed gnomes bite."

The lights were put out and Remus was left alone with his thoughts. _Who's the girl?_ He reflected sardonically, _I'm getting so damn sick of hearing that._ It seemed so ironic that James, who could be so clueless when it came to Lily, could catch on so instantly when Remus had fallen in love.

The young werewolf had realized during fourth year that he wasn't interested in members of the opposite sex. He'd spent several months in complete denial, thinking that the world couldn't possibly be cruel enough to make him a _gay_ werewolf. He'd regularly force himself to stare at girls during class, focusing on their bodies, trying desperately to find them sexually attractive. Then it had all gotten a hundred times worse when he suddenly figured out who he _was_ attracted to. This revelation had been followed by several more months of denial. How could he be attracted to Sirius? How could he have these kinds of desires and feelings for his best friend? Not to mention that Sirius Black, the most desired guy in school, was a total player who could have any girl he wanted. _Any GIRL he wants_, Remus' mind hissed the cruel reminder, plunging him into his usual pit of love struck depression, _The only way you'd ever have a chance with him is if you somehow became a girl, and even then, why would Sirius want you when there are a million other girls out there that he could have in a second?!_

"Rem?" a quiet voice whispered from the bed to the right.

Remus snapped out of his thoughts and turned his head to the voice. Through the darkness he could just make out Sirius' face, shadows playing beautifully across his handsome features. "Yes, Sirius?"

Sirius smiled gently through the dark. "Look Rem," he spoke very quietly so that the other boys wouldn't awaken, but Remus' wolf senses could pick him up easily, "You've got to more confident. Whoever the girl is, I'm sure she'd like you if you just gave her a chance to."

Remus made to say something about there being no damn girl, but Sirius cut him off.

"I refuse to believe that she doesn't exist, Moony. James is right; it's so obvious that you're in love. If you don't want to tell us who she is, we can't force you, but can I maybe make a suggestion? Tell _her_. You're a great guy. You're smart and fun and handsome, and you've got the uncanny ability to keep the rest of us in check when it matters. She'd be nuts not to want you. And you've only got this one last year of school left to try, and then she might be gone forever."

Every molecule of Remus' body pained to scream, _It's you, Sirius! I'm in love with you!_, but he settled on a slightly choked, "Yeah…thanks Padfoot."

Sirius grinned at his friend and then turned his back and drifted off to sleep. Remus blinked a few times at the ceiling and felt a headache coming on. _Tell you that I love you? _he thought sadly, glancing over at the back of Sirius' head, _Sorry Padfoot…worst advice you've ever given…_


	2. Moonlit Dates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus is a romantic soul, and decides to use that to help James win Lily's heart. 
> 
> Afterwards Sirius joins Remus during one of his transformations, despite Remus's protests that only one of the Marauders may not be enough to keep the werewolf in check.

"McGonagall is evil!" announced Sirius, throwing himself at the couch in front of the fire, "Pure evil! How can one professor assign so much homework in just three weeks?!"

Peter plopped himself down on the floor close to the fire and moaned his pained agreement, "Not to mention all the Potions and History of Magic homework, and we have that huge Defense Against the Dark Arts project due at the end of the month. I'll never get it all done!"

"I'll help you out, Pete," Remus offered. He eyed the couch where Sirius was so enticingly sprawled, but settled instead on the armchair across from it. The raven-haired boy shot a concerned look at his friend. Remus was looking particularly pale and sickly this day, and had been unable to eat much at dinner, as it was the full moon in a few hours and his body reacted badly during the cycles. Regardless of how much homework they may have had, he'd be in no shape to be helping Pete with his, at least for a few days, and Sirius resolved to remind the boy of that.

James crammed himself into the foot or so of couch that wasn't covered by Sirius, earning him a momentary glance of yearning from Remus. "Oy! Evans!" he called to a group of girls who were heading up toward their dormitories, "Go out with me?"

"Nope!" Lily called back cheerily, disappearing up the stairs with her giggling friends.

James crossed his arms and pouted while Sirius chuckled under his breath.

"Honestly James," said Remus, shaking his head, "You're not even _trying_ anymore. Just asking her 'go out with me' every day isn't exactly a winning plan, now is it?"

James glared in distaste and then smiled devilishly. "You think you could do better, Moony? Let's see you get a date with your mystery girl then!"

Remus rolled his eyes and rubbed his left temple, fighting back the urge to start an argument about the non-existence of the girl. "How about I meet you halfway?" he suggested, "I'll help you with Lily. How about that?"

The other three Marauders raised their eyebrows in unison.

"Try if you must," said James, a little snidely, "But I don't see what you could do that would make any difference. _I've _been trying for six years now, after all."

Remus, taking this as a personal challenge, nodded, grabbed a piece of parchment from his backpack, and started scribbling away. The other boys looked on in interest, but none could see what he was writing from where they were sitting. Remus stopped twice to think, and when he finished a few minutes later, he handed the parchment to James. Sirius hopped up and leaned over James' shoulder, and Peter ran around the side of the couch to see as well. As each finished reading, they burst into teary laughter.

"Never knew you were so poetic, Moony," Sirius choked with mirth over the little sonnet Remus had just whipped up.

"You've got to be kidding!" James was exclaiming, "You expect me to say this?!"

"Hey, do you want my help or not?" Remus glared, "Now memorize that while I'm gone." He stood up, ignoring the questioning looks of the others, and exited the Fat Lady's portrait.

As he walked, Remus couldn't help cracking a little smile at the ignorance of his friends. Sirius, of course, attracted ladies with his sheer gorgeousness, but beyond that one natural talent none of the other boys had any brains at all when it came to the art of wooing and romance. Ironic that he, the one member of the group who didn't _want_ girls, understood this stuff…or at least believed himself to. He supposed it probably had something to do with the fact that he'd grown up around a lot of girls at the orphanage. Contemplating this, he couldn't help but wonder a little, with a grim thought, if that also had something to do with his sexual orientation.

He didn't have time to brood, however, as he'd made it to his first destination: the Room of Requirement. Walking past the blank bit of wall three times, he imagined the most romantic setting he could manage. When he opened his eyes after the third time, a handsome mahogany door had appeared. Entering the room, he found what he believed would be an incredibly romantic setting to a girl. The room was fairly small, housing a single round table with spindly legs and two matching chairs. In the center of the table was a small cluster of red and white candles, burning softly. Against the back wall was a monstrous marble fireplace with a mahogany mantle, upon which more candles burned playfully. A window on either side of the room was draped in flowing scarlet curtains held back by silvery hooks. The whole room glowed warmly from the fire and the candles.

Remus grinned and accepted the room, then headed off toward his second destination. On his way to the kitchens, the young werewolf wondered vaguely why he was even bothering to help James like this, when really, it should have been something the boy did on his own. _Because he's your friend? Or maybe because six years of watching Lily turn him down is quite enough to handle? Or perhaps you're just hoping that this practice will give you the courage to try something similar…with Sirius? _Remus almost laughed out loud at himself. Seduce Sirius with candles and pretty draperies? Not bloody likely! _Plus, you know, there's that indisputable fact that you're a GUY!_

Remus snarled at the annoying voice in his head as he reached the kitchens. The house elf that had come to greet him jumped nearly a foot.

"C-can I help you with something, sir?" it asked politely, with a tone of nervousness.

"Uh, yes," replied Remus, trying to calm himself down and speak kindly, "Would you mind terribly bringing some food up to the Room of Requirement in about an hour's time?"

The house elf nodded enthusiastically. "Yes, yes, certainly, sir! What would you like?"

Remus suddenly realized he had no idea what Lily would like, so he shrugged and said, "Something…romantic, if you can mange it. Oysters or something? I'm not sure…whatever you have, I guess. Use your best judgment. Oh, and two settings, please."

The house elf never stopped nodding, grinning at what appeared to him to obviously be a wonderful gesture for a special girl, and ran off to start the food the moment Remus had finished speaking.

Finally, Remus headed back to the Gryffindor common room. He walked slowly, allowing himself a little time to get all his brooding out. When he finally arrived, he found a thoroughly annoyed-looking James reciting Remus' sonnet to a snickering Sirius, who checked to make sure he'd memorized it correctly.

"It better damned well be worth the embarrassment," James snarled.

Remus grinned, then looked around the room and frowned. "Where's Peter?"

"Laughed a little too loud at Jamesy-boy's recital," Sirius replied with glee, "Prongs here smoked him with a pretty harsh frog-skin curse. He's gone up to see Madam Pomphry, and I wouldn't expect to see him again until tomorrow."

Remus shook his head. "You'd better learn to control that temper Mr. Potter," he scolded, "Girls don't like that sort of stuff, you know."

James snuck out his tongue, but he was flushing a little, sheepishly.

"Now, anyway," Remus continued, "I want you to go up to the Room of Requirement and wait by the table. When she comes in, recite the poem. Food will be up soon after."

"Table? Food? Hmmm….wait, how are you going to get her to come to me?" inquired James.

"I'm the mature one," Remus chuckled a little, being rewarded with glares from his two friends, "She won't question me, I promise you."

James shrugged, as though resigning himself to some sort of horrible torture, and stalked out of the common room with his head hanging. Sirius shook his head dramatically, acting as though he thought he may never see his friend again.

Remus waited until James had had plenty of time to reach the room and then walked over to the girl's dormitory staircase. An old-fashioned rule kept boys from climbing those stairs, so he yelled, "Oy! Lily! Ms Lily Evans!"

After a few moments, Lily's flashy red head poked out from around the edge of the spiraling staircase, "Oh hi, Remus. What is it?"

"Do me a favor?" he inquired innocently.

Lily looked at him sideways, and then descended the stairs to meet him at the bottom. "What kind of favor?" she asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Go to the Room of Requirement," Remus said.

Now both eyebrows were narrowed. "Why?" she asked.

"Can't say," he said, "Just, would you please do this for me? I promise you'll be happy you did."

Sirius looked on in interest, waiting for Lily to demand to know what was going on. However, she only gazed at the sandy-haired boy for a few minutes, confusion etched on her face, before shrugging. "Sure, okay." And she followed James' path.

As Remus walked back over to the fireplace, he found Sirius staring at him, open-mouthed.

"How can you just do that?" Sirius demanded, "If I or Peter had asked her to go up there, she'd refuse, and probably pin us against the fireplace until we explained why!"

Remus shrugged a little. "I'm more trustworthy?"

Sirius looked incredulous, and a little more than jealous. He thought it simply unbelievable that Lily hadn't simply said "No," and retreated back into her room.

"Well," the amazed boy said, standing up and brushing at his robes, "I guess it's just you and me at the Shack tonight then."

Remus turned his head sideways for a moment before the sudden dawning realization hit him square in the head. It was the full moon. This was the night that his friends usually changed into their animagi forms and kept him in check when he transformed, but Pete was in the hospital wing, and Remus himself had just sent James away on a date.

"Oh, I'd almost forgotten!" Remus exclaimed, his body suddenly shooting him with painful reminders again, "B-but, Sirius, I really don't think you should come with me tonight…"

Sirius looked a little shocked. "What? Why not?!"

"Well, the other guys aren't going to be there," Remus spoke quietly, "It's never been just two of us before. What if you alone aren't enough to keep me in control once I've transformed? What if I do something horrible, like hurt you?"

"Oh don't be so ridiculous," Sirius scoffed, "There is no way that's going to happen. I'm sure we'll be fine! And besides, I'm a fast runner as a dog." He winked and Remus had to fight back the onslaught of blood to his face.

"W-well…I suppose…"

"Remus, don't make me curse you and drag you to the shack," Sirius set his face resolutely and gave Remus a stare that would have sent Peter running and screaming in the opposite direction, "I'm not leaving you alone out there for the night, and that's final."

Remus couldn't help but flush a little now. Images of a Sirius Black in shining armor popped into his mind, and he had to mentally shake his head to get rid of them. "Well…if you say so…"

"Great!" Sirius grinned that handsome grin and Remus lost all of his resolve in an instant, "Let's get going then! Sunset is getting pretty close!"

His thoughts swirling like madness through his mind, Remus had to make a conscious effort not to panic, and struggled to keep his eyes from going wide. _A full moon, alone, with Sirius? Breathe…breathe…breathe…_

* * *

As always, Madam Pomfrey, the kind-but-strict medi-witch who ran the hospital wing, was waiting just outside for Remus. After exchanging pleasantries, she led him down the well-known path to a tree on the grounds known as the Whomping Willow. Sirius followed at a distance, sneaking around in shadows, as no one could know about the secret animagi transformations, and Madam Pomfrey would probably kill them all if she knew about their meetings with Remus-the-werewolf.

Using a stick, Madam Pomfrey prodded the knot on the Whomping Willow that caused the tree to freeze and cease its frantic flailing of branches.

"See you tomorrow, my dear," she said, sympathetically as always, watching Remus crawl into the hidden passageway under the tree.

But Remus did not go on through the passage. He watched from beneath until Madam Pomfrey had disappeared back to the castle, then he crawled out and held the knot to keep the willow from resuming its destructive behavior. He scanned through the darkness for a few moments until his keen eyes picked up the figure of Sirius scampering towards him.

"Come on then," Remus smiled as Sirius dove down into the passage with him.

They walked along the hidden path in silence until they reached a trapdoor in the 'ceiling'. This door led into the first floor of the Shrieking Shack, Dumbledore's safe haven for Remus. The Shack, which resided in the nearby all-wizarding town of Hogsmead, was once known as the most haunted residence in all of Britain, however, ghostly activity had long-since ceased. Nowadays, Remus used the boarded up old mansion to keep himself away from people during full moons; the villagers in town heard his howls and screams of pain during the transformations and assumed that the spirits had simply returned.

Remus led Sirius to the upstairs floor, to an old bedroom. The young werewolf thought nothing of the state of the room, but it had always bothered Sirius. The walls, the bed sheets, the curtains; everything was slashed, ripped, torn, destroyed. Entire planks of wood had been ripped out of the floor and walls. And worst of all, there were bloodstains splattered over the entire area. Sirius had seen Remus after transformations many times, weak and in pain, but seeing this room, painted in his friend's blood…it was difficult to imagine that the gentle young boy had once torn himself asunder like this once a month. The state of the room made the realization of it so much more sickening and wretched.

Remus stopped in the center of the room and suddenly blushed deep crimson. He turned to Sirius. "Could you possibly…leave until I transform?"

Sirius looked confused. "Why?"

Remus' face grew hotter. "Um…so I can put my clothes aside before I transform."

At this, Sirius gave a short chuckle. "Rem, I've seen this before. You don't need to be bashful."

Remus gave the absolute best puppy-dog eyes he could muster. "Puh-leeeeeease?" he pleaded, "It's just…different somehow when it's just one of you all alone without the others." What he really meant was that when James and Peter were around, Sirius had something other than Remus' skinny, naked self to stare at…

Now Sirius laughed outright. "Okay, okay, fine," he said, "How about if I change first, and I'll sit her with my back to you? Would that be okay?"

Remus thought for a moment and finally said, "Yeah, sure, that sounds good."

Sirius gave a double-thumbs-up, flicked his hair away from his face, and suddenly, between Remus' blinks, he disappeared. Where he had stood there was now a large, shaggy black dog, panting happily and holding out a paw.

It was Remus' turn to laugh out loud. _He makes such a damn cute dog!_ Walking up to the over-grown puppy, Remus took the outstretched paw in one hand and scratched behind its ear with the other. "Okay then Padfoot, time to turn around."

Sirius-the-dog scrunched up his nose in mock-annoyance, then turned in a half circle and plunked down on the floor, staring at the wall. Remus smiled to himself, thinking something about Sirius making '_a cute pet_', and began to strip off his clothes, watching the whole time to make sure Sirius wasn't peeking.

"And we wait," Remus announced, tucking his clothes on a high shelf in the closet where the wolf wouldn't obliterate them. He crouched on the floor in front of the window, watching for the inevitable appearance of the moon. He thought dimly that it was rather sad that he was getting to spend this time alone with Sirius, and he had to spend it as a mindlessly destructive beast.

Sirius gave a happy little bark. Remus smiled. "Any minute now. No peeking."

No sooner had the words left his mouth than the clouds parted and a beam of horrible silvery light poured through the window.

Remus could not imagine anything more painful than his transformations. If he had to describe it, he would say that it felt like every molecule of his body was being broken and stretched to create the new shape of the wolf. It was as though something was growing rapidly inside him, pushing his bones and muscles and skin outward, forcing it to stretch in impossible ways. Every vertebrae broke, one after another, and his spine bent in unimaginable angles. His feet snapped in the middles, forcing him to stand on the balls. His fingers grew longer and sharp claws pushed their ways out through the tips. Worst of all, his skull split and divided until it was no longer nearly the shape it was meant to be. His face lengthened into a snout, and his entire body sprouted short, silvery-grey fur.

No matter how many times he went through it, the pain never got any easier to handle. In spite of himself, Remus screamed excruciatingly, a scream that echoed into the night and sent birds, frightened, flying into the dark sky. Tears sprang to his eyes and he screamed again and again. Sirius whimpered and whipped around to watch with wide eyes as his friend clutched his head in total suffering.

It seemed to last forever, but finally it was over. Sirius looked on in interest as the wolf ignored him, flopping down on the floor and gnawing at one of its legs. Sirius took a careful step forward, then another, and another, wondering if the wolf was ever going to notice him. Suddenly, the wolf's head shot up and he growled a deep, low, terrifying growl. Sirius whimpered and backed up several feet, sure that he was in deep trouble. Could it be possible that Remus had been right? Would he alone not be enough to keep the wolf in check?

But something was going on in the wolf's head. Instead of the instinctual thought process of "_kill, eat, cause pain_", there was something else lingering in the back of his consciousness.

The wolf got up slowly, moved one step at a time towards the shaggy black beast that had invaded its territory. The dog continued to move backwards and soon found itself trapped in a corner, whimpering in horror. The wolf's instinct was to go for the kill, rip the other animal's throat out and spend the night devouring its flesh, happily. Yet something stopped him…a voice…

_Sirius is our friend, remember? He cares for us and wants to be with us and keep us happy._

No. Other animals are for food. Nothing else.

_This one is not for food. This one is our friend._

The wolf leaned close and took a long, agonizingly slow sniff at the top of the dog's head.

_We love this one._

The wolf was surprised to find that he recognized the sent. Yes…it was the scent of the one he desired, the one he would have for his mate. The dog whimpered again. The wolf looked at him happily, sniffed his fur again, and flopped down beside him.

Sirius was tremendously relieved. For a few moments he'd been sure that Remus was going to attack him. Happily, Sirius licked Remus' paw and nosed him in the face, trying to convey the message of '_Let's play!_' It apparently came across just fine, because the wolf perked up and began running in circles, shooting glances at Sirius to join him. Sirius let out the dog equivalent of a laugh, and tackled the wolf, sending both of them rolling across the floor and into a wall. Dust flew everywhere and Sirius sneezed a puppy-sneeze that the wolf seemed to find adorable.

_Happy! We're happy that black dog is here with us. We love this one…_

Dog and wolf ran and played throughout the mansion for several hours, thoroughly enjoying each other's company until something happened that rarely, if ever, happened during a full moon.

Remus Lupin fell asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's chapter two! What did you think? I always fancied myself that James was really rather pathetic and that he'd need the romantic heart of a particular werewolf to help him pull off anything close to wooing a girl. XD


	3. Do You Hate Me?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After an incredibly successful first date with Lily, James vows to help Remus in his own love life and weasels the werewolf's second-biggest-secret from him, kicking and screaming.

For what may have quite possibly been the first and only time in his life, Sirius Black woke up before Remus Lupin. Mind you, this phenomenon was owed entirely to the extremely uncomfortable position he'd fallen asleep in, curled up on the hard floor with his head propped up against Remus' back. Yawning widely and stretching his cricked neck, human-Sirius leaned up over human-Remus' shoulder and smiled warmly at his sleeping friend.

"Morning, Moony," he whispered softly. Remus stirred slightly, but slept on.

The slightly older boy stood and stretched every muscle, popping several bones in the process. He ran a hand through his ebony hair, annoyed that it felt less than perfectly straight at the moment, and grinned to himself suddenly. He'd done it! He'd spent an entire full moon with Remus, alone, and distracted him from doing himself bloody harm as well. It was a decent achievement considering there were usually three of them together to tame the beast.

Mentally patting himself on the back, Sirius walked over to the closet to retrieve Remus' clothes. Then, for the sake of his friend's humility, he walked backwards and blindly draped the school robes over the lower half of Remus' naked body. Finally, he flopped back down on the floor in front of his friend, curling up with his face near Remus'.

Remus looked incredibly peaceful, which was in itself an unknown occurrence after a full moon. He was breathing slowly, and deep; his thin lips were slightly parted, his shoulder raising and falling rhythmically with every breath.

An attempt to tell Remus that he was handsome would likely earn a tooth-and-nail fight from Remus. He had oftentimes in the past compared himself to the likes of Sirius, and even James, stating resolutely that there was nothing special about him. Regardless of his own opinion, however, Remus Lupin was in fact rather handsome in an adorably innocent kind of way. He was a few inches shorter than Sirius, and rather skinny, but the little muscle that he did have suited him as much as skinniness did and added to his charm. Sandy blood hair fell a little messily down around his ears in a manner that showed he didn't pay much attention to his appearance on a daily basis. A few strands fell across his eyes as he slept, brushing a few faint scars of full moons long ago.

_Any girl would be crazy not to want him…_Sirius thought to himself, reaching to brush the strands of hair behind Remus' ear. Remus stirred, yawned, and slowly opened a pair of gorgeous amber-colored eyes.

"G'morning, sunshine!" Sirius grinned.

Remus started and his eyes went wide as saucers. He yelped and jumped to a sitting position before noticing the robe around his midsection.

Sirius' grin grew wider and more mischievous. He winked. "Don't worry mate, I didn't peek, I swear!"

Remus blinked a few times, then suddenly he broke out into a huge smile, started laughing like an insane person, and threw his arms around Sirius' neck. "Oh Sirius!" he cried joyously, "You were able to stay alone! And I could feel you there! I mean, it was weird and the wolf still had control, but it was the first full moon I can remember were I actually felt what was happening! Or Sirius, it was wonderful!"

Sirius, who had been taken aback by the sudden and powerful embrace, chuckled and ruffled his hand through Remus' hair, much the way you would do to a younger brother. Remus, now fully realizing what he'd done, pulled back sharply and blushed like mad. His reaction only served to fuel Sirius' laughter.

"You're so cute, Moony!" he snorted.

Remus flushed a brilliant shade of red and struggled to arrange his robes so that more of his body was hidden. Laughing almost maniacally, Sirius turned his back to allow Remus to get dressed in private.

"I can't believe…" Remus mumbled to himself, "I don't ever remember sleeping before. The wolf usually stays up all night looking for food and gnawing on itself."

"It must be my incredible puppy-charm," Sirius spoke towards the wall, "The wolf just couldn't resist cuddling up with me."

Remus was sincerely glad that Sirius had his back turned and could not see the look on his face that said, _Well, yeah…duh!_

"Ahem."

The attention-grabbing cough came just as Remus finished pulling his pants up, and the two boys whirled in surprise to face the door. Madam Pomfrey was standing there, arms crossed, lips pursed, an eyebrow raised, tapping her foot as though waiting for an explanation.

Sirius spoke first, "Uh, I can explain, see-"

But Madam Pomfrey raised a hand. "I am fairly certain that I do not want to know, Mr. Black. I'm just here to check on my patient as it is getting rather late into the morning." She walked over to Remus and immediately started poking and prodding at him, searching his body for injuries to heal, but finding none other than a small cut on the foot the wolf had begun to gnaw the night before. She raised both eyebrows and looked at Remus in a very confused manner.

"I…uh, fell asleep," was the only explanation Remus could come up with for her, "Couldn't do any damage in my sleep, I suppose." He couldn't help but let a little grin escape when he saw Sirius snicker out of the corner of his eye.

Madam Pomfrey's eyebrows were in great danger of leaving her forehead. "Well then," she said, fully disbelieving the werewolf's story, "Perhaps you should try sleeping through every full moon then, hmm?" With this she gave an almost unnoticeable glance at Sirius, before turning to leave. "Do be careful, won't you boys?" she spoke as she walked, "I wouldn't want to have to bring any bad news to Professor Dumbledore."

Sirius looked at her sideways, a little suspiciously, as she left. "How much do you think she knows?" he asked absently.

Remus shrugged. "So long as she doesn't tell anyone, I don't care," he replied, grinning, "All I care about is that I got to spend the entire full moon with you, I got a great sleep, and I didn't hurt myself."

Sirius grinned back and gave a low, exaggerated bow. "Glad to be of service, Moony old pal."

* * *

It was Saturday, so by the time Remus and Sirius returned to the Gryffindor common room students were just beginning to stir from their beds. Several people were just hauling themselves sleepily off to breakfast. Lily Evans was sitting on one of the couches, a rather giddy smile on her face as she read a book without moving her eyes.

"I'm gonna get a shower and change," Sirius announced to no one in particular, "There's a lot of dust in that place."

So upstairs they went to grab a change of clothes. In the boys' dorm, James and Peter were just rising from bed. When James saw Remus enter he moved with the incredible speed he was known to have on the Quiddich pitch, catching Remus entirely off guard by snatching him up in a bone-breaking hug.

"James!" Remus coughed out hoarsely, "As a general rule I need air to survive!"

James let his embrace drop, but held Remus' shoulders and grinned like an idiot. "You," he stated, "Are a complete, sodding _genius_! I _love_ you!"

Peter shook his head sadly. "He's been like this since last night," he told the other two, "Wouldn't let me sleep. He just keeps retelling the story over and over again. Driving me barking mad he is." And surely it was true if Peter said it…he so rarely spoke a harsh word against his idol.

"What story?" Sirius asked, realization slowly dawning on his face, "Oh! Hey, yeah! What happened with Lily?"

Peter groaned the second the question left Sirius' mouth and dashed for the door to escape the hundredth retelling.

James was still grasping firmly onto Remus' shoulders. "Well, I did exactly what you said, mate," he started, talking at an abnormal speed, "I went in, and I waited by the table, right? It was difficult too because the food smelled damn good and I wanted to hoe it in, but I didn't want Lily to come in and find me stuffing my face. So anyway, I waited, and she came in and she kind of looked at me funny and asked me what was going on, and I panicked for a minute because I didn't know what you'd said to her, right? But then I pulled myself together and I started reciting the poem you wrote for me, Remus."

Here he paused for breath and the other two boys looked at him expectantly.

"And?" Remus asked, "What did she do?!"

"She laughed her arse off."

Remus and Sirius blinked. James looked incredibly happy.

"Uh…" Sirius started, but was cut off.

"Yeah, she laughed herself silly, right?" continued James, "She said that poetry was definitely not my thing and she just laughed like a madwoman for what seemed like forever. Thought I was going to _die_ from embarrassment. Then she comes over and tells me that he was a sweet gesture, and she'd agree to give it a go if I promised to never recite poetry to her again."

Here he stopped, and after a few moments silence all three boys burst into hysterics.

"Well did she at least enjoy the dinner?" Remus asked between gasps of air.

James nodded excitedly. "Loved it! Loved the food, loved the setting. Loved the poem even! Just hated me reciting it!"

Sirius had almost managed to stay his laughter, but at James' comment he burst into it again. "That's just great, mate. You've killed two birds with one stone! You got the girl, and you don't ever have to look at another piece of fruity poetry ever again!"

Remus' pillow connected with the side of Sirius' head, and although he was laughing he stuck his tongue out at the other boy. "There's nothing wrong with my poetry!"

Once they'd all managed to calm down a bit, James aloud his mind to move to other topics.

"Oh!" he cried, "Sirius! Wormtail said you went alone to the Shrieking Shack last night! How did that go?"

Sirius grinned and put a hand around Remus' shoulder. "I must say I make a very good nanny," he barked, "Managed to keep him in line all night. Even tucked him in for a nice little nap."

Remus shoved at Sirius playfully, staving off another bout of blush. "It was crazy Prongs!" he said to James, "I've never slept during a full moon before, and it was the most lucid I've ever been as the wolf!"

"That's great, Moony," James said, patting his friend on the back, "Maybe this is a good sign! Maybe you're starting to gain some control over the wolf!"

Remus resisted telling James that it didn't really work that way and that what he'd felt seemed to be the responsibility of having some time alone with Sirius. Instead he grinned as wide as his face could go and said nothing.

"Well," Sirius broke the silence, "Sorry guys, but I'm going to go insane if I don't get a shower and get all this dust out of my hair." He chuckled.

Grabbing a change of clothes each, both Sirius and Remus made to head to the boys' bathroom, but James grabbed Remus by the wrist.

"Can I talk to you for a minute?" he asked.

"Uh, sure," Remus blinked a few times, "What for?"

Sirius glanced back for a second then left the room with a shrug. When he was gone James led Remus over to his bed and they both sat down.

"Rem," he started, "It didn't go quite as you planned, but your help with Lily was amazing. Apparently you were right when you always said that I know nothing about girls." At this he grinned again. "But now that you've helped me get my foot in the door, I've finally managed what I couldn't for the past six years. Lily actually admitted that she likes me, and we're going to, you know…date and stuff."

It was Remus' turn to grin. "Date and stuff…right. Well, it's no problem mate. I was getting a little sick of seeing you fail is all." He started to chuckle, but James had suddenly developed a rather serious face.

"That's what I want to talk about," the other boy said, running a hand through his disastrous hair, "You helped me out because you wanted to see me happy. Well, I want to see you happy too."

Remus could see where this was going and he winced a little. "James –"

But James interrupted. "Remus, this is ridiculous, okay? I want you to be happy, and to do that I will help you get the girl of your dreams, just like you helped me get mine. I promise I won't laugh or anything; I won't even tell the other guys if you don't want me to. Just tell me who she is so I can return the favor by helping you get her!"

Remus was shaking his head already. "It's okay Prongs…really. You and Lily have gotten together and that makes me happy. Consider it a free service."

"I don't let favors go without repaying them, Moony, especially not one like this, which is so important to me."

"Don't _worry_ about it, James."

James narrowed his eyes. "I didn't want to have to take it this far," he said in a low voice, "But Lily gave me a trick to use in case it came down to it."

Remus raised his eyebrows. "Huh?"

And without warning, the bespectacled boy attacked.

"AH!" Remus cried between bursts of teary laughter, "NO! Get off!"

"Tell me who she is!" James demanded, laughing himself, as he pinned down Remus' arms to the bed and drilled his fingers into the boy's sides.

"No!" Remus fought back at the ticklish onslaught, kicking as hard as he could, but connecting with nothing, "Dammit James! Ha ha ha! No! I don't want to!" He managed to get a hand free and shoved at his friend as hard as he could.

James fell back a bit, but quickly pounced again, pinning Remus back to the bed before he could escape. "It's for your own good, mate!" he insisted, sitting on Remus' back and intensifying the tickling until Remus was reduced to a squirming ball of teary mirth.

For just a few moments, Remus lost himself.

"Sirius!" the amber-eyed boy cried between gasps.

"He can't save you now, Moony!" James laughed evilly.

"No!" Remus cried, desperate to do anything to stop the attack that threatened to drown him in his own breathlessness, "Its Sirius! I'm in love with Sirius!"

Remus felt James' weight disappear and suddenly there was a deadly silence. Instantly he regretted speaking. James sat at the edge of the bed, staring with his mouth hanging open.

"Wha-?"

For a split-second Remus considered laughing and saying that it had been a joke, but he knew that it was too late to make the lie convincing enough for James to believe it. The second great, horrible secret of his life was out, and so he did the only thing he could think to do.

He burst into tears.

"Y-you h-hate me now, d-don't you?" he stuttered through his hands as he pressed them to his face to hide the salty drops falling from his eyes, "I'm in l-love with S-Sirius. I have b-been since f-forth year. And n-now you're g-going t-to hate me because I'm a f-fucking gay werewolf!"

If there was one thing in the world that Remus did not expect to happen at that moment, it was to feel James' arms around him. He continued to sniffle into his friend's shirt for a few moments until finally he looked up into James' smiling face.

"Remus, you're so stupid sometimes," he said.

"W-what?" Remus sniffed loudly.

"You kept this a secret all this time because you thought I would hate you?" James' voice was soft and full of insurmountable caring, and Remus noticed that he did not shy away from touching him as he held him and smiled down at him. "Haven't you learned anything? We completely and totally accepted you being a werewolf because you're our friend. Did you honestly think it would be any different with this?"

"R-really?" For all his school smarts, Remus truly couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Yes, you stupid thing," James chuckled a little now, "You shocked me a little; I mean, it's not exactly something I ever expected you to tell me. But I don't hate you for it, and besides maybe a couple of those rotten Slytherins, who no one gives a rat's ass about anyway, no one else will hate you for it either. It's not such an abnormal thing, you know?"

"But-" Remus started, but James put a finger to his lips to stop him.

"Trust me Rem. No one cares. There are no laws in the wizarding world, or the muggle world for that matter, that say you have to love a woman. Some closed-minded bastards will try to convince you that it's wrong, but they're just that: bastards. Love isn't meant to be given only to a member of the opposite sex. Love is meant to be given to the one you care about the most, and who you think deserves it. And if you love Sirius, then I think that Sirius is an extremely lucky guy to have deserved those feelings of you."

Remus had stopped crying and was now staring at his friend without blinking. It didn't seem possible that James, the boy who had needed rather a lot of help to show a girl that he wasn't a complete ponce, could say something so kind and profound.

"But…" the werewolf choked out, "I love someone who will never love me back."

At this James let his arms drop and tilted his head in mock-annoyance. "Haven't you been listening to a word I'm saying?" he asked, humor in his voice, "I don't believe that anyone is totally straight or totally gay. Everyone has the ability to love anyone. All you've got to do is prove to Sirius that you love him more than anyone else. Even he can understand that concept. Mind you, you've got a lot of pretty girls to compete with…"

"_Jaaaaaaa-aaaaammmmes_!" Remus whined, dropping to the bed and shoving his head in a pillow.

James laughed a bit then reached out and patted Remus' shoulder. "Sorry mate," he smiled, "Listen, I promised you that I'm going to help, and I intend to keep that promise."

Remus looked up from the pillow. "Really?"

James shrugged. "Of course. You helped me, after all. Mind you this could be difficult." He took off his glasses and rubbed the side of his head. "I was, after all, running on the assumption that it was a _girl_ I had to make fall in love with you…"

Remus couldn't help but groan. James shifted in the bed to sit next to his friend and draped an arm around his shoulder.

"But," he pointed out, "We do have a secret weapon that we've never had before, which will probably be very handy in planning our attack."

Remus looked up from where he was burying his head in his hands. "What's that?"

"We've got a girl's perspective," James said, smirking, "Thanks mostly to you, we've got Lily."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I always envisioned James Potter being an incredibly caring boy under all his cool and cocky facade, so having him be the one to coax Remus out of the closet seemed like a given to me. But what do you think? I'd love to know. ^_^
> 
> More coming soon!


	4. Arrogance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily decides that the first course of action is to determine what Sirius's feelings are on the concept of a guy loving him. An extremely over-confident and arrogant response ensues.

"_Really_?!"

Remus moaned. James raised an impatient hand to his forehead.

"For the last time, Lily...YES!" the messy-haired boy cried.

A month had passed before James and Remus got the chance to snag Lily while simultaneously avoiding both Peter and Sirius. The three were now sitting on the floor in the Room of Requirement while Sirius was in detention with Professor McGonagall and Peter was in the common room, almost literally swimming in homework.

Lily was blinking at Remus with a disbelieving look on her face. "Sorry Remus," she said, "I mean, it sort of makes sense, seeing as I've never seen you with a girl before..." The pretty redhead looked as though she was going through an intense internal struggle. "But, I mean, well...you're just so_ cute_!"

Remus turned red. "Uh..."

James narrowed his eyes a little. "What is that supposed to mean?" he demanded.

"Now, now, Potter," Lily said, winking and waving a finger, "Don't get jealous. I'm just in a bit of denial is all. It's always a little sad for a girl to learn that such an adorable guy is gay. It's a huge loss for womankind!"

Remus' face grew hot. "But Lily, I'm not..."

"Nonsense!" Lily exclaimed, "You're gorgeous and don't you dare think differently!"

James looked like his head was about to explode. "Could we _please_?!"

Lily stuck her tongue out at him playfully then turned back to Remus. "Okay, so you're gay then? Congratulations on coming out, but what does it have to do with me?"

Remus looked at James with a pained expression. James sighed and turned to Lily. "We need some womanly advice. You see, it's not so much the _being_ gay that's the problem, as _who_ it is that-"

Remus looked absolutely miserable. "I'm in love with Sirius," he said very quietly, "For a long time now..."

Lily's eyes went wide. "I...I see..." For a moment she looked at the boys thoughtfully and with a grave expression, but then she clasped her hands together and broke out into a huge smile. "All right then!"

The boys blinked at her sudden enthusiasm.

"The first thing we have to do," Lily announced, matter-of-factly, "Is to find out how Sirius feels about a guy being in love with him."

Remus nearly choked. He slammed his hands down on the floor and stared at Lily with huge eyes. "Y-you're not going to tell him?!" he squeaked.

Lily laughed out loud and reached over to pat Remus on the head. "Don't worry, sweetie. I won't name names." She grinned cheerily. It was the most frightening grin Remus could ever imagine. "Now, here's what we'll do…"

* * *

That night at dinner Remus found that he couldn't even look at Sirius without feeling nauseated. He'd never felt so nervous in his life. He'd thought about it and was quite certain that Sirius was going to be disgusted at the prospect of a guy liking him in that way.

"You okay, Moony?" the raven-haired boy asked with his mouth full of chicken, "You look a little green."

Remus risked a quick glance at Sirius and forced a smile out while his stomach churned wretchedly. "I'm fine Padfoot," he lowered his voice so no one would hear, "Full moon tomorrow, you know?"

Sirius nodded in understanding and returned to his meal.

James stood up suddenly. "Um, I've got to find out when next Quiddich practice is," he announced, heading off to the other end of the long table. Peter watched him go with interest. James was the Gryffindor seeker, and used this excuse to vacate Sirius' presence for a few moments. This was Lily's signal to rush over.

"Hey guys!" she said happily, taking the seat next to Sirius that James had just gotten up from.

"Hey Lils," Peter and Sirius returned. Remus said nothing, for he was sure some strangled noise would come out of his mouth instead of a greeting.

Lily glanced up the table to make sure James was nowhere near. They had decided that Lily requesting a meeting with Sirius with James nearby would be unrealistic. James was naturally jealous, and if he hadn't demanded to know what Lily wanted with Sirius, the boy would likely be suspicious, and besides that James was also a very horrible actor.

Lily leaned in close to Sirius' ear when Peter wasn't looking and Remus was pretending not to look. "Pst...Siri...meet me in the Room of Requirement in an hour."

Sirius made to look up at her, a confused expression on his face, but she had already gotten up from her seat. "See you guys then!" she called, heading back to sit with her girl friends. Sirius and Peter both watched her go, bewilderment on both faces, each for different reasons.

"Can't make up her mind who she wants to sit with, or what?" Peter mumbled.

James returned a moment later, trying desperately to show no indication that he'd seen Lily with his friends. He gave a meaningful glance at Remus and they all continued eating as normal, though Sirius was now a lot quieter than usual.

* * *

"I've got to, uh, go talk to McGonagall," Sirius announced an hour later, standing up suddenly from his seat in the common room.

James and Remus said nothing, but Peter looked at him with one eyebrow raised. "Why?" he asked.

"Um..." Sirius wasn't a great liar, which was evident as he struggled to think of a good excuse, "Wants to talk to me about my grades. I'm, uh, apparently failing Transfiguration."

James squinted his eyes shut for a second to keep himself rolling them. Sirius was a wonderful Transfiguration student, which Peter obviously realized as well. "But -" the chubby boy started to argue, but Sirius had already dashed out of the common room. Peter watched him go with a look of puzzlement on his face.

"Pete, could you do me a favor?" Remus asked, catching the other boy's attention, "Would you mind running up to the library and grabbing this book for me?" He scribbled a title on a piece of parchment and handed it over.

Peter looked at the piece of parchment and then back up at Remus with a bit of annoyance on his face. "Why don't you do it yourself?" He didn't like being made into an errand-boy.

Remus tried to make himself look as tired and miserable as possible, which wasn't too difficult considering the snakes slithering around in his stomach. "I'm feeling really horrible this moon cycle," he half-lied, "I just rather don't feel like moving too much right now."

"Oh, okay," Peter replied in a pitying tone as he stood, "I'll go get it then."

As soon as he left, James ran up to the dorm and returned with his invisibility cloak.

"I feel horrible lying to Pete," Remus said, "He's going to come back here with the book to find me gone after I said I didn't want to move."

James dragged his friend outside the common room and threw the cloak over the two of them, making them vanish from sight. "Don't worry about it," he whispered, "Tell him you had to go to the bathroom or something." Remus reached into his pocket and pulled out a bottle of perfume. James looked at him sideways. "What the hell is that for?" he asked.

"Sirius' sense of smell has been extremely defined ever since he first became able to transform into a dog," Remus explained, spritzing entirely too much of the perfume on James and himself, "We don't want him to smell us, so we've got to mask our scents with something overpowering. Hopefully he'll think the perfume is coming from Lily."

"Lily doesn't wear this much perfume," James hissed, scrunching his nose up at the smell, "Thank Merlin."

The two invisible boys moved as quickly as they could manage through the castle, weaving in and out of students and faculty who were roaming the halls, careful not to bump into anyone and cause a scene. When they reached the Room of Requirement, Lily was waiting outside, tapping her foot.

"We're here," James whispered in her ear, causing her to jump about half a mile.

She glanced around at the empty hallway, nodded, then sniffed the air and scrunched up her nose in much the way James just had. "What the hell?"

"Don't ask," James whispered quickly, not wanting to explain right now why they thought Sirius might be able to _smell_ them from across a room.

Lily raised an eyebrow at the nothingness, then shrugged and opened the door wide enough for the two boys to slip in, before closing it behind her. Sirius had evidently been pacing the room, and looked up nervously as Lily entered.

"Hi!" the redhead waved, smiling, "Thanks for coming!"

"What's this about, Lily?" Sirius asked with a weird sort of look on his face.

"I need to ask you something," she replied, walking over to stand next to him.

James and Remus moved quietly into a corner behind Sirius and listened carefully.

Sirius sniffed and his expression contorted. "What is that _smell_?"

Lily raised an eyebrow. "New perfume," she said through gritted teeth. Under the cloak, James glared at Remus, who shrugged.

"Anyway," Lily continued, "The thing is, I have this friend who really, really likes you a lot, and -"

She was cut off by Sirius sighing and raising a hand to stop her. "Look Lil," he said in a pained sort of voice, "I'm really flattered and everything, but I just couldn't do it, okay? James is my best mate, and he cares about you a lot. I couldn't do something like that to him."

Lily stared blankly for a moment and then raised both hands to her temples in exasperation. Under the cloak in the corner, James and Remus were doing the same thing, struggling not to groan. "_I'll kill him_," James hissed under his breath.

Lily rubbed her head and glared at Sirius. He looked at her with an aggrieved expression, as though he couldn't believe he was turning down a date from any girl, let alone such a pretty one.

"Sirius Black, you are the most vain, pig-headed, conceited, self-centered, arrogant, egotistical, moronic, git I have ever had the displeasure of knowing."

Sirius stared with wide eyes, blinking a few times as he struggled to take in all the sudden insults.

"That's my girl," James whispered proudly to Remus.

"Uh..." Sirius began.

"My friend," Lily interrupted sternly, deciding to just cut to the chase, "Is a _guy_."

Sirius' mouth dropped open. "Wha?"

Remus cringed. _He's freaked. He's completely, totally, freaked_.

"I have a friend," Lily repeated, "Who really likes you a lot, and who happens to be a guy."

There were a few moments of silence through which Sirius stared blankly with his mouth hanging open, and Remus held his breath under the cloak. Then, suddenly, and to the surprise of everyone present, Sirius burst into hysterics.

"Well I guess that's to be expected!" he guffawed, "I mean, look at me!" He flashed Lily a winning grin, causing her to roll her eyes in disgust. "Surely if every girl in the school is in love with me, eventually there would have to be a guy or two as well, right?" He continued to laugh heartily while James and Remus stared in disbelief and Lily's hands returned to her head.

"My _point_, Sirius," the girl grumbled, her teeth clenched menacingly, "In coming here, was to find out whether there is any point behind his feelings."

Sirius stopped laughing and cocked his head a little. "What do you mean?" he inquired.

Lily sighed. "I mean, is there any chance you could ever like a guy that way, or should I just tell him to give up now and save himself the heartbreak?" Sirius seemed to think for a moment…then grinned. "I guess that would have to depend on the guy," he said, sneakily, "So you should probably tell me who it is."

Lily glared. "You're not going to trick me that easily, Black. Just answer the question."

Sirius shrugged a little and continued to grin. "I did answer the question. It would have to depend on the guy." With this he walked past Lily and opened the door to leave. "So if you're not going to tell me who it is, then I guess I can't help you." He winked once before turning to exit. "Later Lils!"

When the door was shut and a few moments had passed, James pulled the cloak off himself and Remus. Lily turned to look at them, frustration plastered all over her face.

"He is such a _prat_!" she exclaimed, "He's just being difficult because he wants to know what guy in the school would be in love with him!"

"His answer seemed clear enough to me," James told her, "'It depends on the guy'. I think that was his way of saying that he's a man-whore and he'll take anything that walks as long as it's attractive enough."

Remus punched James in the right arm. Lily took a shot at the left. "Don't talk about your friend that way," the girl hissed.

James rubbed both his arms and glared. "After what you said, _you're_ telling _me_ not to talk that way?!"

The group of three walked back to the common room feeling somewhat defeated, but Remus couldn't help but also feel a little hopeful. _He didn't completely freak out_, he thought, _He didn't give a straight answer, but he didn't freak out. Maybe there is a chance..._

Lily entered the common room first. If Sirius had returned already, they didn't want him to see the three of them coming in together with James' invisibility cloak. Instead they took a quick trip to the prefect's bathroom and scrubbed their arms and faces to rid themselves of the horrible perfumey stench. When they returned they found that Sirius had, in fact, beaten them there and was staring intently into the fireplace. The second they entered, Peter bore down on top of them.

"Where did you go?" he whined, eyebrows tightened, "I got the book." He held out a tattered old volume of jinxes and hexes.

"I felt really sick all of a sudden," Remus lied, "Wanted to go to the prefect's bathroom where no one would have to hear me retching."

Peter's glare softened considerably, but now he looked to James. "So why do you have the cloak then?" he demanded, pointing at the tightly rolled bundle that James hid under his arm.

"Didn't know how long he was going to be," James spat out after a second, "Didn't want him getting caught by Filch after hours, so I thought I'd bring it down in case he needed it later. But he was already finishing up when I got there."

Pete seemed satisfied with the answer, but demanded a game of wizard chess as compensation for being ditched. James obliged and ran up to tuck away his cloak before heading to the corner of the common room to set up the table.

Remus walked casually over to were Sirius was sitting and was about to sit in the next armchair over when Sirius looked up. "Hey Remus," he smiled, "Sit here." He patted the section of the couch directly beside him and Remus gulped and sat nervously, his hands crossed in his lap.

"You'll never guess what just happened, Rem," Sirius spoke again.

_I bet I _could _guess..._  
  
"Lily informed me that she knows of a guy who likes me. You know...'likes' likes."

_Act surprised you idiot!_ "Oh...really?" Remus managed.

Sirius had a very thoughtful look on his face. "Yeah..." He turned to face Remus, who struggled to keep his heartbeat in check. "What do you think of that?"

"Um, well," the werewolf couldn't help but stutter a little, "I guess I think it's interesting. Are...are you going to do anything about it?" It was difficult to keep the tone of hope out of his voice.

Sirius stared intently into the fire. "Don't know who he is," he explained, "Lily wouldn't tell me. And it really would depend. I mean, I wouldn't question my sexuality for just any guy." He said this with a grin as though it was a joke.

"Well what kind of guy _would_ you question your sexuality for?"

Sirius turned and looked straight into Remus' questioning amber eyes, seeming to consider the question carefully. For a few minutes the two simply gazed at each other and Remus started to feel very uncomfortable in several ways; he lifted his feet up onto the couch and shifted his position so that his robe was covering him satisfactorily. Sirius reached up absently, apparently not thinking about what he was doing, and tucked a strand of hair behind Remus' ear.

_Ohmygodwhatthehellheistouchingme!_

Sirius' eyes narrowed a little, suddenly. "Wanna play some chess?" he asked, a weird tone in his voice, pulling his hand back.

Remus hugged his knees very close to his chest, knowing that there was no way he was getting up for a while anyway. "Sure, if we can play here on the couch."

Sirius stood up to get another chess set. Remus watched him carefully, his observational skills failing him for once as he thought, _What's up with him?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 4 down! This is one that I actually rewrote a couple of times in the past in order to make a few things work better. You'll understand in the next chapter. XD


	5. Misunderstandings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius misunderstands a great deal, and as a result has a very upsetting confrontation with Remus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Who's ready for the angst? Take a deep breath!

That night Sirius Black lay awake in his bed, listening to the deep, steady breathing and occasional snores of his roommates. A myriad of troubled thoughts swam through his mind, preventing him from drifting off to sleep. Though he'd managed to laugh it off in front of Lily, it had shocked him quite a bit to learn that he'd earned the affections of a member of the same sex. Not that there was anything wrong with that, but it was certainly different, and he wasn't quite sure how to think about it yet. It had occurred to him once, back in fifth year, that he didn't think he was entirely straight, but he'd never pursued those feelings. It really didn't matter to him that much to verify his sexuality. He had any number of girls swooning for him at any given time. Who needed guys too?

But what was _really_ bothering him was the smell. Sirius sniffed the air in the dorm, confirming that the smell was still there. He'd first noticed it when he'd been talking to Remus. Though it was very faint, his dog-like sense of smell could pick up the scent all over the werewolf. It was the same scent that had offended his nose when he'd met with Lily. He'd thought it very odd at first that Remus would have Lily's perfume all over him, and then he'd realized that Remus wasn't the only one. Sirius sniffed the dorm air again and sure enough, as he'd thought before, James was also covered in the odour. Why, he wondered, would both James and Remus be covered in Lily's perfume? James was understandable; although Sirius had not expected them to move so fast, it wasn't hard to believe that the two had being doing something that would cause Lily's perfume to rub off on the boy. But why then would Remus also have the scent all over him?

Sirius thought he knew, and as a result he'd been cringing and gripping his pillow until his knuckles turned white. There was only one explanation.

Lily was cheating on James with Remus.

_How could they do this to James?_ Sirius sighed internally. He'd always thought Lily was such a sweet girl. Crazy maybe, but sweet. _And Remus!_ Remus had always been the kind, sweet, sensitive Marauder, and Sirius had really thought he'd known him so well. How could this have happened? When did Remus become such a horrible person?

Realization slapped Sirius in the face. _Oh shit!_ he thought, a lump forming suddenly in the back of his throat, _Lily is the girl Rem has been in love with all this time! And I'm the one who told him to go for her! Shit, shit, shit!_  
  
Sirius stifled a groan by shoving his face in a pillow. What was he going to do?

* * *

At breakfast the next morning, Sirius was uncharacteristically quiet. He stared at his food as he ate and excused himself halfway through the meal, claiming he wanted to get to class early.

"Since when does Sirius care about getting to class?" Peter inquired, eyes narrowed.

James and Remus glanced at each other. It was true. Sirius never gave a damn about getting to class _on time_, never mind getting there early.

In History of Magic Sirius was even less attentive than usual, if that were even possible. He sat with his chin in his hands throughout the class, staring at a point on the wall several feet from Professor Binns. The ghost teacher did not notice - he rarely ever noticed anything - and just continued drawling on in his unbearably monotonous tone. But the other boys noticed Sirius' distraction.

Remus gazed at the raven-haired boy in between note-taking. Once, he caught Sirius glancing at James with what he could only describe as a pitying expression. Another time, he was looking at Remus, but looked away very quickly when their gazes met. _What the hell is wrong with him?_ Remus thought, _He seemed fine until this morning..._  
  
Potions was the same; and then Transfiguration. Sirius seemed to be in a relentless slump of daydreams. On the way to Charms, Lily caught Remus in the halls and whispered, "Do you think it has to do with yesterday?"

Remus was about to answer when Sirius' gaze wandered over to the two of them and stopped them both in their tracks. He'd only looked for a moment, but the flash of disgust that had shown in his eyes surprised the other two. "What was that about?" Remus whispered to himself. _What if he's figured out that its me and he decided he's freaked out after all?_ His heart suddenly pounded furiously.

But after yet another class of watching the other boy, Remus decided that that probably wasn't it. Sirius was mostly looking at James, with that same hint of pity on his face. _Why James?_ the werewolf wondered, _Does he think that it's James who likes him? No, that makes no sense...Why would he feel bad for James in that case? And besides, he knows damn well that James is head over heels for Lily. What on Earth is on that boy's mind…_  
  
That night was the full moon, and this time all four Marauders were going to be together. James and Peter followed Remus down to the Shrieking Shack as the sun started to sink into the earth. For a while, the three wondered if Sirius was even coming. He'd left early during dinner and they hadn't seen him since. But sure enough, just as Remus was about to start getting undressed, he showed up, looking somber, but forcing a bit of a smile.

"Hey guys," he said. James gave him a questioning look.

"Are...are you okay Sirius?" Remus asked tentatively, lowering his hands from the top button of his shirt, "You've been kind of weird today." James and Peter nodded in agreement.

It was obvious that Sirius had to struggle to keep the wavering smile on his face. "I'm fine Remus, no worries."

Now Remus was _sure_ something was wrong, but there really any wasn't time to think about it. Glancing out the window at the inevitable nightfall, Remus motioned for the guys to turn around so he could get undressed. By the time he'd finished, a shaggy black dog, a large grey rat, and a stately brown stag stood with their backs turned to him. Even after all the confusion he'd gone through all day, wondering about Sirius, Remus couldn't help but grin. It was small and quite unorthodox, but the werewolf had a pack, and he loved them all dearly.

* * *

When Sirius awoke in the morning he found James draping a set of robes over Remus' sleeping form, and Peter standing, yawning, against the door-frame. It had been a long night of running and playing to distract the wolf from hurting itself, but they had managed to wear Remus out enough to sleep again. Sirius remembered once that the wolf had tackled him and licked his face a half a dozen times, but he hadn't quite been in the mood to play and had simply pushed him away. Was his memory playing tricks on him, or had the wolf looked rather hurt during that moment? Bah…he must have been imagining things.

"Morning, mate," James said through a yawn, "This place isn't the most comfortable to sleep in, is it?" He stretched as high as he could, reaching for the ceiling, and a couple of joints popped.

Sirius forced another smile. "No, it really isn't."

James motioned towards Remus. "Think he'll sleep much longer? I'd really like to go to bed for a while before class."

Sirius glanced at the sleeping werewolf and saw his opportunity. "You know what? You two go, get some more sleep. I'll wait here until he wakes up."

James raised an eyebrow. Sirius was usually the one of the Marauders who couldn't get enough sleep and James would have thought he'd be practically sprinting back to the dorms by now. However, his own body's desire for more rest outweighed his curiosity, so he shrugged and said, "Yeah, sure."

Peter yawned again, tears springing to his eyes, and followed James downstairs and through the trapdoor.

Remus stirred mere moments after they'd left. As he opened his gorgeous amber eyes, Sirius couldn't help but stare a little. _He's so good-looking. He could have any girl if he really wanted her. Why did he have to go for one whose already taken…especially by one of us?_  
  
"Mornin' Moony," he said out loud.

Remus yawned and smiled. "Morning Padfoot," he replied, "Where did the other two go?"

"They were really tired," Sirius explained, "Sleeping on a hard, flat floor and all. I told them to go on back to bed."

"Oh." Remus turned his back, with his robes wrapped tightly around him, and went to the closet to get the rest of his clothes. Sirius stared at the wall while he changed. "Okay, let's go then."

Sirius looked up. "Won't Madam Pomfrey be coming?"

Remus shook his head. "She said that after last month I must be doing something right, so I asked permission to skip her morning-after visits. She was reluctant, but she said it would be okay as long as I promised to let her know how I'm doing afterwards."

Sirius nodded. "All right, let's go then."

The two walked in silence through the Shrieking Shack, through the hidden tunnel, and halfway across the school grounds before Sirius drummed up the courage to speak. _You've got to say it. You've got to tell him. You can't let this keep going on. What if James were to find out?_  
  
"Remus, I know what's going on."

Remus stopped dead in his tracks. His eyes went wide and he opened his mouth, but no words came out. His heart started pounding a mile a minute. Sirius took a deep breath.

"I want you to please stop."

Remus stared into nothing for a few moments and then turned to Sirius with a mixture of confusion and extreme hurt on his face. "W-what?"

Sirius stood his ground, stared towards the castle so he wouldn't have to see Remus' expression, and took another breath. "I want you to stop this. It's not right."

Remus looked like he'd been slapped in the face and was about to throw up. "But Sirius, I...I mean, can't you understand...I can't...you can't just _stop_ loving someone!" His eyes were welling up and his voice was cracking as though he might burst into hysterical sobs any minute now.

"You'll have to Remus," Sirius tried desperately to steady his voice so that Remus would know he was dead serious about this, "You'll just...you'll just have to."

Sirius still wasn't looking, but he knew that the tears had begun to stream down Remus' face.

"Why..." Remus' voice shook, "I thought...I thought if anything, you'd understand...if anything..."

_Understand?  
_  
"Understand?!" now Sirius whirled to face Remus. He was thinking of James, and how he'd feel if he knew about this treachery, and anger flashed in his eyes, "You thought I'd _understand_?! What the hell is with you Remus?! Don't you realize how horribly _wrong_ this is?!"

Remus' face went chalk white, and Sirius couldn't help but feel a little bad for yelling. In the past six years, he'd never yelled at Remus, never once got mad at him for any reason. But if there was any good reason to get this angry with his friend, it was his betrayal of their other friend. And so Sirius stood and glared and watched Remus cower.

"I hate you..." Remus' words were barely audible, but the absolute misery in his eyes was quite clear through the blanket of tears.

Sirius blinked and for a moment he felt as though he'd been punched in the stomach; all the air was gone from his body. "W-what?"

"I hate you, Sirius Black..." Remus' shoulders shook and tears continued to fall from his face as he stared resolutely at the ground, his fists clenched, "I HATE YOU!"

Sirius didn't even have enough time to realize what had happened. Either Remus had shoved him very hard, or else had let off a great burst of magical energy that sent him flying. All Sirius knew was that he suddenly found himself on the ground a dozen feet away, a great ache in his chest and head, and when he looked up, Remus was gone.

* * *

He ran, and he ran, and even when his legs felt like they couldn't possibly move another inch, he ran some more. He ran until he reached an area of the Forbidden Forest so thick that the sunlight didn't penetrate. He ran until all the world seemed to close in around him and he collapsed in a pile of roots and leaves, sobbing and shaking as though the world itself had abandoned him. And he screamed. He screamed into the trees until his voice gave out and no sound would emit from him anymore.

How could this have happened? In all these years, Remus had never truly expected Sirius to return his love, but especially after James' speech he couldn't help but believe that his best friend would, at the very least, accept him. Sirius had always been so kind to him. He had always taken care of him, helped him, and understood him. Remus had no family, no past, no memories from before he became a werewolf. But he'd had Sirius. He'd had someone to love, and someone who, if not in exactly the same way, had loved him back.

_He was so angry. He was disgusted with me. He thinks I'm _wrong_. He thinks I'm a freak. It was all an act with Lily. He just wanted to know what guy liked him so that he could turn him down in person. He just wanted the chance to tell the gay bastard that loves him that there's something 'wrong' with him. I hate him. I hate him so much!_  
  
But it was a lie. The truth was that Remus loved Sirius more than anything. Nothing would ever change that.

Remus could never imagine anything more painful than his transformations, but now he'd found something. He felt as though his heart had been torn to shreds. He felt as though his very essence, his thoughts and emotions, were bleeding from him as he lay there, motionless on the cold ground. He felt as though the great dark void would engulf him and drown him in his own misery. He felt that he would rather transform a hundred times, every night, for the rest of his life than have to deal with this indescribable pain, right here, right now.

He felt...that he wanted to die. He welcomed it.

So he lay there, on the hard ground, deep in the Forbidden Forest, sobbing and shaking, waiting for a dark creature to come kill him, or else death take him through time, and he was unafraid.

* * *

Sirius didn't know what to do. He hadn't thought that Remus would take it this bad. He flopped on his bed and winced at the pain in his head and chest. James and Peter snored around him.

_I hate you_.

The words rang through his head, piercing his heart. Remus...hate him? Sirius buried his head under a pillow. _I did the right thing. I couldn't let him just keep snogging Lily behind James' back. I suppose I could have just gone and yelled at Lily instead...but, no! I did the right thing dammit!_

So then why did he feel so horrible? He moaned to himself. Maybe he shouldn't have yelled? No, Remus had seemed extremely hurt even before that. Maybe there was some way he could have said it more gently...played it out a little at a time until Remus himself realized the issue.

Any way he looked at it, it all boiled down to three words:

I.

Hate.

You.

_He can't hate me...He just can't! I need him. I care about him too much. James may be my best mate, but Remus is something else...Something somehow closer...I need him._

Somebody yawned. Sirius turned around in his bed, removed the pillow from atop his head, and found James looking back at him from his own four-poster.

"Hey," James said, and began to close his eyes again, but suddenly they shot open. His gaze was directed at Remus' bed. "Where's Moony?"

Sirius bit his lip. "We, uh, got into a bit of a row," he said quietly, "He ran off on me."

James' eyes opened wide, and then reduced a bit, a weird sort of look coming over his face. He propped himself up in his bed. "Was the fight...was it about his, uh, crush?"

Sirius' eyebrows almost rose off of his head.

"Yeah, I thought so," James cringed, "But why would you start a fight with him about that, Padfoot? Geez, even if you're not into it, I thought you'd have been a little more sensitive."

Sirius' head started to pound. "Wait a minute," he said, leaning up on one elbow and placed his other hand up to his forehead, "Just hold on now...you _knew_ about this?"

James looked a little sheepish. "Well, yeah, he told me a while ago."

Sirius' mouth dropped open. "And you're _okay with it?!_"

James looked taken aback, and then after a few moments, rather pissed off. "Why wouldn't I be?" he growled back, "I'm not a closed-minded bastard, Sirius. And I didn't think you would be either."

_He's mental!_ Sirius opened his mouth to tell James this, but the bespectacled boy continued, his eyes narrowed and his voice venomous.

"I would have thought you'd be more accepting, Sirius Black. You accepted his lycanthropy, but you can't handle this? He's our fucking _friend_, Sirius, and you can't handle something like this for him? I mean it's not as though Remus can _help_ being gay! It's not as though he can _force_ himself to not love you!"

The room went disturbingly silent. The only sound was Peter's occasional snore.

"_What?!_" Sirius shrieked after a few moments, his mind very nearly snapping.

Peter yelped and fell off his bed at the sudden outburst. "What the hell is going on?! I'm trying to sleep here! You've given me a heart attack!" he yelled, but no one was listening to him.

James was staring at the look of bewilderment on Sirius' face. "You..." he started, "You didn't know? We...oh shit, we weren't talking about the same thing, were we?"

It took Sirius a moment to gather his thoughts enough to manage speech. "Obviously not, since I was talking about Remus snogging Lily."

James looked very startled for a moment, and then he burst into hysterics. "Oh lord, are you serious?" he cried, "Remus in love with Lily? Were you listening, Sirius? Remus is _gay_. And he's in love with _you_."

Poor Peter looked unbelievably confused.

Sirius blinked a few times. "B-but, the perfume! You and Remus both had Lily's perfume all over you! Why would Remus have Lily's perfume on him if he wasn't doing the same things with her that you're doing with her?"

James rolled his eyes and rubbed his temples. "Sirius, you're a moron," he groaned, "First of all, we haven't been moving _that_ fast! What the hell do you think I am? And that was never even Lily's perfume to begin with. Rem sprayed it on the two of us to hide our scent from you so that we could spy on your meeting with Lily."

"But...but why would you want to spy on us?" Sirius inquired, his head throbbing as he slowly absorbed the concept that he'd been so very, very wrong.

James shook his head. "Duh, Sirius, I believe I just said it; because Remus is the mysterious guy who's in love with you."

It all clicked into place.

"So the 'girl' that he's been pining for all this time...?"

James nodded. "That would be you."

Once it was said out loud, Sirius instantly realized that it was true. All the blushing and lovey-dovey nervousness...Remus had always been like that while they were together, when there weren't even any girls anywhere nearby. He hadn't wanted Sirius to see him naked, despite their being friends for so long, because he was embarrassed for his crush to see his body. And the wolf...the wolf had been acting differently lately…it tackled him and licked him and forgot its usual viciousness the moment it saw Padfoot. Sirius' mouth hung open as he went through everything in his mind, and then suddenly his stomach twisted and he felt he might be violently ill.

_'What the hell is with you Remus?! Don't you realize how horribly wrong this is?!'  
___  
'I HATE YOU!'  
  
Sirius' heart clenched. "Oh shit."

And before James or Peter could say anything else, Sirius dashed out of the dorm room as fast as he could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go, and don't worry...it's gonna all turn out, I promise. <3


	6. Tears from the Sky

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sirius rushes off to find Remus, desperate to fix his mistake. Remus very nearly makes him pay dearly for that mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is: the last chapter! I hope you all enjoy it. It's exceptionally angsty, FYI, but I promise that things come together in the end. I'm a wicked writer who loves to torture her characters, but I'm also a soft heart. :P
> 
> I thrive on your love, so please leave a comment to let me know what you thought of the story as a whole and this chapter specifically! And if you're REALLY awesome and you want to support my writing, maybe consider buying me a coffee! (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/u9fIhCzVs)

"Remus! Remus!" Sirius cupped his hands around his mouth and bellowed as loudly as he could as he sprinted across the Hogwarts grounds. A few angry Ravenclaws yelled and threw things at him from high up in their tower; clearly it was still too early in the morning for them.

_Where could he have gotten to? Oh Merlin, I'm such an idiot! How could I ever have thought that Remus would so something like that? He's sweet and kind and he would never betray a friend that way! GOD Sirius, what were you THINKING?!_  
  
Sirius ran until he found himself back at the spot they'd been before Remus had vanished. He dropped to his hands and knees, ignoring the stains he obtained as he skidded on the grassy, dirty ground, and started frantically sniffing at the area. If anyone were watching he must have looked incredibly absurd, but that was of no concern to him right now. He had to find Remus...he had to explain that he hadn't meant it the way he'd said it. He had to tell him...

_There! That's Remus' scent! That's –_  
  
"Oh...fuck," Sirius said aloud. Remus' scent led him off towards the Forbidden Forest. Sirius narrowed his eyes and glanced at the castle once before running off as fast as he could into the looming darkness of the forest. _Can't risk the time I'd waste going for help..._ "Oh Remus...Merlin help anything that tries to hurt you before I get there..."

* * *

Time seemed to have stopped. Remus felt as though he'd been lying on the cold ground forever, but the last reasonably sane area of his mind insisted that it hadn't been long at all. It was still morning. Although the thick trees blocked out anything that could be perceived as sunlight, the forest wasn't completely dark. Some form of light was seeping in from somewhere, casting eerie shadows all around him.

It was the pain that made time move so slowly, he decided. Time hated him and so it wanted him to suffer the pain for as long as possible. The world hated him. It would keep him alive here in this forest until the end of time, watching his pain and laughing at him. It wouldn't just let him die. That would be too easy.

He screamed again. His voice was hoarse and broken, but he screamed just the same, a strangled noise that echoed through the dark. He pulled his legs up against his chest and sobbed again, though his tears had long since run dry. He felt, if he could just cry enough, maybe he would cry the pain out of his body. Maybe the forest would absorb all the horrible, wretched feelings and leave him clean and ignorant again. Or maybe his cries would be heard by some horrible, toothy creature out looking for a meal. Maybe something would come and rip him to shreds so that his emotional pain could be overshadowed by the physical kind.

A twig snapped. That reasonably sane section of Remus' mind forced him to open his eyes. He was neither expecting nor was he surprised by what he saw. A furry snout and a pair of deep silver eyes stared back at him. He lifted his head from the ground, twigs and leaves tangled in his sandy hair, and found that an entire pack of about twelve direwolves was surrounding him, looking on in curiosity. He felt neither fear nor joy by their sudden arrival. There was only their presence.

The wolf closest to him licked his face, snatching away the few wet, hot tears that lay on his cheek. Remus felt a soft voice in his head.

_"What do you mean by traveling this deep into the forest, young pup?"_  
  
"I've come here to die." Remus replied, matter-of-factly, no tone or emotion to his voice.

_"And why would you wish to die out here alone, pup?"_  
  
"I just want the pain to stop."

Another wolf, a larger one that must have been a male, stepped closer and gazed deep into Remus' amber eyes.

_"We know you, pup. We are the Great Wolves of the forest, and we know your tale. We know that you are a werebeast, and that you become of our species under the veil of the full moon. However, you are unlike the other werebeasts of this forest, who hunt and kill with the viciousness of men. Beasts should kill only for food, and this restraint we have seen in you. We, therefore, accept you as our own pup. We will protect you. Tell us what has caused you such pain and we will make it stop."_

* * *

Sirius had hardly been running for a handful of minutes when an ear- splitting boom rattled the sky. Skidding to a halt, he glared up through the slight openings in the trees. Very little sunlight could be seen, for dark clouds had rolled in over the grounds.

"No, no, no, no, please no," Sirius murmured to himself, "Not now, dammit!"

A bright flash of light, and another great bang, and suddenly buckets of water came pouring down, soaking the world in mere moments. Sirius' hair clung to his head and his robes weighed him down. The rain itself seemed to block his vision, creating a thick, wet haze which coupled with the darkness to bar his path.

"No!" Sirius cried. He sniffed, and sniffed again, and he could barely pick up Remus' scent. "FUCK!" He broke out into another furious run, transforming into his dog form in mid stride, hoping that his sense of smell would be stronger this way._ I have to find him soon! Dammit, dammit, why did it have to rain?! I have to find him before his scent washes away completely!_

* * *

Remus barely felt the rain pouring down his back. The pack gathered around him as though trying to shield him from the world, oblivious to the torrents of water that fell down on top of them. He felt that he didn't care what they did, but if they could, in fact, make the pain go away he would be eternally indebted to them. Perhaps he would stay with them and become part of their pack permanently.

Something flashed in the back of his mind. _But you already have a pack, now, remember? The others, your friends. You have them as a pack. You have James, and Peter, and Siri-_

"No!" Remus cried, clutching his head, digging his nails into his wet skin until he felt blood escape, "No, get out of my head! I don't want you in my head anymore! I hate you! I HATE YOU!"

The wolves looked at him with concern that resembled that of a loving family. Never before had they seen such emotional anguish. Never before had they seen the effects of unrequited love. It was not in their nature to understand what Remus was going through, but it _was_ in their nature to care for him and protect him the only way they knew how.

_"It is okay little brother. We will not let him hurt you anymore."_

* * *

"I HATE YOU!"

Sirius stopped dead in his tracks, his fur getting more and more soaked by the second. Had he been _thinking_ that, or had he actually heard it? He sniffed as deeply as he could. The scent had all but disappeared. _That had to be him...Unless I've gone completely insane..._  
  
He sprinted full out towards the scream.

* * *

Remus had begun to sob again, but his tears were now indistinguishable from the rain. On either side of him a wolf nuzzled his face, whimpering, not knowing how to comfort him.

_"Poor little pup. Do not cry. All will be rectified."_

He remembered, just a month ago, when he had been screaming during his transformation, Sirius had whimpered in concern for his pain as well. The memory was as vivid as though it were happening right in front of him. "Why?!" Remus screamed, "Why will you not get out of my head?!"

Several of the wolves growled suddenly, deep and loud. One of them barked viciously. Though he felt he rather didn't care what was happening, Remus forced himself to open his eyes and look.

A large, shaggy black dog stood a few meters away, soaked through to the bone and crying in the back of its throat.

Remus blinked a few times, wondering if he was imagining things. "Sirius?"

_"This is the one, is it not?"_  
  
_"Pup, is this the beast who has hurt you so? Is this the one who questioned your heart?"_

Remus hadn't expected this, and he found suddenly that he did not know what to do. His mind was being pulled in several drastically different directions.

_Why did he come here?_  
  
_Who cares? Set the pack on him, make him hurt! Make him bleed, and feel pain, and want to die, as you have!_

_But why would he come so far into the forest if not to find me?_

_He only wants to hurt you more! He wants to watch you suffer and deepen your misery! Make him pay!_

_I can't...He's...he's still my friend._  
  
_Lies! He has betrayed your emotions and spit on your very being! HURT HIM!_

_But...I still love him._

_FOOL!_  
  
Remus didn't have time to decide what he wanted. The look on his face was clarification enough for the wolves. The female that had licked his face and the first male that had spoken to him stayed rooted at his sides, growling in a very feral manner, while the rest of the pack attacked. Sirius yelped and took off as fast as he could, the wolves close behind snapping at his heels. Remus watched in a sort of emotionless daze as the canines ran in great circles nearby. They surrounded Sirius, but he managed to get out past one of the smaller wolves. They attacked from both sides, but he leaped out of the way of their jaws. All the while he was growing more and more exhausted. He'd been running for so long... But, despite the impending doom that was bearing down upon him, Sirius seemed entirely unwilling to stray too far away from Remus, and this prodded the werewolf's mind.

_He still cares. He's got too, or else why wouldn't he run far away from the danger?_

_Fool, he told you that you're 'wrong'! He hates you! He doesn't accept or want your love! He thinks you're a freak, an abnormality! He has caused you pain the likes of which you have never felt before! Let him feel it back!_

_Then why doesn't he leave?! Why doesn't he run from the pack?!_

_It doesn't matter! Let him suffer! Let him die!_  
  
Remus watched, as though in slow motion, as Sirius made a running leap at a tree, twisting and kicking off in hopes of propelling himself over the group of wolves at his heels.

A flash of lightning broke through the canopy of the trees.

Sirius yelped. Remus stood.

"NO!"

Remus ran to the spot where Sirius had fallen, stumbling through wet leaves and mud. He shoved through the wolves, who looked at him in confusion and concern, knocking one back just before it could leap at Sirius' throat.

"_Why do you stop us, pup? Do you not want us to stop your pain?_"

"Killing him won't stop my pain," Remus said quietly, tears falling freely from his face, "I can't let you kill him. I won't be a witness to murder. Especially not the murder of someone I love." His voice cracked on the word and he hated himself for saying it. He placed a hand on Sirius' leg, which was now bleeding profusely, and struggled against his anger not to squeeze it in vengeance. "Why did you come here?" he demanded, setting his face in a stony glare.

The dog whimpered. Remus blinked against the rain falling in his eyes, and when he focused again it was a human Sirius lying before him, his black hair soaked and dishevelled. His right pant leg was ripped and blood was flowing out of it, though the wound was not as bad as Remus had first thought. Sirius's eyes were glassy and they stared straight into Remus' in a way they never had before. For a moment, Remus was almost taken aback by the look.

"I had to tell you..." Sirius spoke slowly and cringed as the rain beat down on his leg, "I had to tell you that I didn't mean it."

The fury rose up again, fuelled by pain and sorrow. Remus grabbed the collar of Sirius' shirt and hauled his head up off the ground, so that his glaring eyes were only inches away from the other's. "You didn't _mean it_?!" he sneered, in a vicious way that Sirius had never seen before in his friend, "You didn't _MEAN IT_?! Then why the fuck did you _say it, SIRIUS_?! Just wanted to see my _REACTION_, did you?!" Several of the wolves growled their agreement.

Sirius' eyes went wide and unblinking, despite the rain pouring into them. "I-it was all a m-misunderstanding, Moony," he stuttered, pure terror in his voice, "I s-swear! It's not what you think!"

Remus dropped Sirius' head, which connected painfully with the ground before he could catch himself. "_Don't_ call me Moony..." The anger had subsided and the misery took over again. He fell forward, bracing himself up with his hands, and began to crawl away through the mud, sobbing openly.

Sirius struggled to his knees, ignoring the searing pain in his leg, and slowly started to follow. The wolves growled and one of them snapped at his hand, but they didn't attack again. They would do nothing more without Remus' command.

"Rem," Sirius' voice was pleading, "Please, I didn't mean to hurt you so much. You don't understand! We weren't even talking about the same thing!"

The anger wanted to haul back and slap Sirius across the face for continuing to speak. The misery wanted to collapse onto the muddy ground and cry for the rest of eternity. But that tiny spark of sanity spoke up instead. Reums turned his head to look at the other boy.

"What are you talking about?"

A flash of lighting illuminated Sirius' face, and for the first time Remus realized that he was crying too.

"I thought..." he forced out, "I thought you were sneaking off with Lily. I thought she was cheating on James with you."

The pack looked on in confusion, not quite understanding the relationships of men, or what was happening at this moment. Remus blinked and his head pounded. "W-what?"

Sirius crawled forward a few more feet, a hopeful look on his face. "All that stuff I said, when I got mad," he explained quickly, "That was all because I thought you'd betrayed James! But he explained to me...what has really been going on..."

Remus' eyes went unfocused as he stared at a point on Sirius' chest, his mouth slightly open.

"Remus," Sirius said quietly, pulling himself forward and wincing again at the pain, "Rem, I'm so sorry." He crawled right up next to his friend, until they were kneeling face-to-face. "I'm so sorry you thought..."

Remus was shaking. New tears filled his wide eyes, though for a different reason this time. "I-I almost let them kill you!" he cried in horror, "I almost let them kill you!" The pack whimpered, not understanding, but gathering, at least, that there had been a mistake.

Sirius half-smiled, then sobbed once, then grabbed Remus in the tightest embrace he could muster. Remus shook under the force of his sobs, and he clutched Sirius' wet robes as though he thought the other boy might vanish at any moment. They stayed like that for what seemed like forever, until Sirius took Remus' shoulders and pulled him away to look at him. Remus' bottom lip was quivering, raindrops spilling down over it.

"I wanted to tell you something else, too, when I found you," Sirius said, with a shaky smile. He looked deep into those gorgeous amber eyes that he'd absentmindedly admired on so many occasions. "Remus, there's only one guy I'd question my sexuality for."

With that he pulled Remus forward and their lips met for the first time. Both boys were soaking wet and shaking to death from the cold, but for that moment they both felt quite warm. The rain dripped down around their lips and into their mouths as they moved slowly, exploring each other. Sirius reached up and gently stroked Remus' cheek with his thumb, wrapping his fingers around the boy's slender neck. He pulled away slowly so that their lips brushed gently together for a few seconds before they'd parted completely. Remus opened his eyes and took a sudden deep, shuddering breath, not smiling, but looking happier than he'd ever looked in his life.

One of the wolves howled into the night as the rain continued to spill down around them.

"I love you, Remus Lupin."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thrive on your love, so please leave a comment to let me know what you thought of the story as a whole and this chapter specifically! And if you're REALLY awesome and you want to support my writing, maybe consider buying me a coffee! (https://www.buymeacoffee.com/u9fIhCzVs)

**Author's Note:**

> So that's chapter one! I hope you enjoyed it, and I'll get the rest transferred over as soon as possible. ^_^


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